dissociative identity disorder

It’s time to talk about a difficult subject, but an important one. The after effects of abuse, can have a profound effect on a person’s life. It’s time to come out of the dark and scream at the top of our lungs that WE ARE SURVIVORS! It is import ant to remember that, whatever form of abuse, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. The blame lies with the perpetrator! So let a look at the forms of abuse.

Physical abuse

Physical abuse is deliberately hurting a child causing injuries such as bruises, broken bones, burns or cuts. This is not accidental, those who are physically abused suffer violence such as being hit, kicked, poisoned, burned, slapped or having objects thrown at them. Abusers will often make up illnesses or accidental injuries to cover up the abuse

Psychological /Emotional abuse [i]

Psychological abuse is the on-going emotional maltreatment or emotional neglect of a individual. it can seriously damage a person’s emotional health and development. Emotional abuse can involve deliberately trying to scare or humiliate an individual or isolating or ignoring them. Those who are emotionally abused are usually suffering another type of abuse or neglect at the same time. Although this is not always the case.

Sexual abuse

A person who is sexually abused when they are forced or persuaded to take part in sexual activities. This doesn’t have to be physical contact, and it can happen online. A child images of pornographic content is also sexual abuse. Abusers will go to lengths to cover the abuse up.[ii]

Neglect

Neglect is an on-going failure to meet a person’s basic needs. They may be left hungry or dirty, without adequate clothing, shelter, supervision medical or health care. They are in danger from physical and emotional harm. Neglect usually coincides with other forms of abuse.[iii]

Domestic Abuse

Domestic abuse is any type of controlling behaviour, bulling, threatening or violent behaviour between people in a relationship. Domestic abuse in composes psycological, physical, sexual, or financial abuse. This can happen to either men or women an can continue even after the relationship has ended.[iv]

Tips for Survivors

If you have made it this far despite the abuse you have experienced that is an immense achievement. Do not give up! Overcoming the effects of abuse is a challenge is a challenge in its self. So let me introduce Adelaide, who is a 23 year old survivor

Flashbacks and Dissociation

‘I suffer from dissociation and sometimes flash backs. A smell, a feature on someone face, tone of voice can trigger a flash back or dissociation. I was thought to stop the flashback or dissociation to stamp my feet to ground me, to remind me ‘I am here, this is the present’. Another way it to splash your face with cold water, to ‘shock you’ into the here and now. Smelling something that reminds you of present things, I uses white musk perfume. This is another way to ground you’

The Unanswered Questions

“why did it happen? Why me? WHY?’ this is the question I believe that I will never get answered but there are ways to express them, without confrontation. My Victim Support worker suggested I write a letter to my abuser (without sending it) it is something I do occasionally and it helps to get all those thoughts and feeling out of my head, such as thought and anger I feel towards my abuser, the questions that are in my head. It gets it out in a safe way.’

‘Another technique is ‘Pillow talk’, it something that is used in therapy a lot, first you talk to ‘the pillow’ as your abuser. You can yell scream show even punch your ‘abuser’. This can be really helpful. In therapeutic setting you are asked by your therapist to then revers the role. You are the ‘abuser’ and the pillow is ‘you’ and you answer the questions that you have asked. It is very therapeutic but I

Would not do it on your own’

Sense of Loss

‘Those who have been abused feel that they have been robbed of their self-worth and life. People also feel out of control and difficult to trust people. The way I tackle this is by telling myself positive affirmations. By engaging in therapy you can learn to gain control, self-worth and learn to trust. By going to your local mental health drop in centre, you can do this in a safe environed. Volunteering can help build up your self-worth and esteem.’

I Can’t See a Way Out

If you believe you are being abused or know someone who is being abuse. there is a way out, as a community we need to speak out and protect those most vulnerable because it IS OUR BUISNES TO PROTECT THOSE WHO ARE UNABLE TO PROTECT THEMSELVES. Even if you have a small think that may indicate abuse that could be the thing that protects that person from further harm. Speaking out is hard bus essential, you don’t deserve to be hurt and degraded, and people will believe you. If you are being abused report it to the police. They can then ensure that you are in a safe place and that abuser can be brought to justice, and protect other from further abuse. Abusers don’t change, most abusers carry on to abuse as long as they go undetected. ‘I can tell you honestly, that speaking out was hard, but everyone was so understanding. It made sense to the professional why I was so mentally ill, which meant I was given the appropriate support to deal with all the issues abuse creates. It is worth it. Speaking as someone who is bin through hell and back. It was worth it.’- Adelaide

People don’t realise the power they have to put an end to the abuse someone is enduring. It is important to report all sins of abuse. This can be done anonymously to the police or social services if you are afraid of being found out. You could save a life!

‘when I look back on the time I was abused, I change dramatically from a quite hard working pupil, to a violent angry teenager. I hit and kicked people, and really didn’t care. It hurt that no one asked about my dramatic behaviour change, if only they had, I might not as suffered as I did.’- Adelaide

I hope this helps I truly do. But please remember:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

WE WILL BELIVE YOU

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT

YOU DON’T DESERVE TO SUFFER

PLEASE SEEK HELP

Below are some contact for support, if you would like you can message me on the Black Cat Project facebook page.

Ponthafren

nspcc helpline 0808 800 5000

Rape Crisis 0808 802 9999

Refuge 0808 2000 247

children’s legal centre